The End of First Semester

星期四下午五點，當監考員高聲宣佈：『Time’s up! Stop writing! 』，大家便停止敲鍵盤，互相看著彼此吐舌頭。我也深深的吐了一口氣。終於考完最後一科，法學院的第一個學期結束了。

我一邊排隊繳交『我很誠實切結書﹝The Honesty Pledge﹞』，一邊跟同學討論聖誕節的計畫。批評教授跟假期旅遊是兩項最受學生歡迎的話題。大部分的人要回家躲進父母與電視的懷抱，留學生如我則要大玩特玩。每個人臉上都同時寫著疲憊、放鬆、失落跟擔心的神色。Aaron的臉上還有急著上廁所的神色。

回頭看這一學期，似乎一恍神就過去了，比大學、碩士跟工作時都過得更快。執業的律師告訴我們，1L﹝法學院一年級﹞是一位律師一輩子壓力最大的時刻。即使我這學期僅修了五科十五學分，卻比大學時的二十幾學分壓力大多了。

雖然相對於律師、醫師、Consultant等動輒每週60-80小時的工作量，1L還不是最忙的；但它的壓力更大。這個壓力來自競爭。所有的1L都非常用功，競爭激烈，因為1L的成績決定畢業後的第一個事務所，而第一個事務所將決定你的起薪是每年50K還是125K，未來要面對刺激還是無聊的案子。

因此即使課程本身並不難﹝electrical physiology或是biochemistry要難多了﹞，但由於所有人都用功到一種極限，因此學校必須要用過量的課程、過短的時間以及非常曲折困難的題目來鑑別學生。故古人有言：『open book is close book，close book is close mind﹝開書考實為關書考，關書考實為反射動作考﹞』。當然非母語學生在這種設定下又更吃力一點，不過這是文科留學生的共同宿命，whining暫且不表。

繁忙的課業也逼每個人發展出最適合自己的讀書方式。有些人組讀書會；有些人攀著老師打聽題目；有些人一定要看完Will and Grace才唸得下書。扣掉上課時間，大家平均每日唸書約4~6小時，瘋狂一點的更多。我是不瘋狂的那一種，有週休一日半。星期五晚上跟星期六看電影、吃大餐，平日則吃Wendy’s 1～8號餐。終於可以好一陣子不用看到Wendy姐姐了。

當我在收電腦與課本，準備離開考場時，來自夏威夷的Nicole突然蹦出來，手上拿著一瓶紅酒跟幾個杯子，喊著：『Let’s celebrate! I need alcohol! In my system! Now!』另一個ABC Sandy則是嚷著要回家大睡一場。走出教室，發現樓下已經開了好幾瓶酒，數十個1L一起舉杯慶祝第一學期的結束。大家徘徊在法學院，似乎有一種不正常的依依不捨感。

晚上學校出錢到Adams Morgan 喝酒跳舞，我這個不會扭的人則是吃燒酒雞看DVD慶祝。回家檢查email，除了學長姐寫信恭喜我們平安度過第一學期之外，院長也寫信叫大家開車不喝酒，深夜外面事故多，平平安安回家最好。結論就是，明明不過是一個期末考，感覺卻像要畢業了一樣。故古人有言：『Friday is like final, final is like graduation﹝星期五如學期結束，學期結束如畢業﹞』。

成績我料想不太樂觀。正如Dean在期初準確的預測：『不幸的是每一年總會有一半的學生成績落在後半段，這一點我們努力多年還是無法改善。』我想我可能就是這統計學的受害者。不過逝者已矣，反省這學期，有其他該檢討的地方：讀書方法要更靈活一點，不能埋頭死K。生涯規劃要保持彈性。要多跟教授互動，畢竟她們的高薪是我付的。勇於表達自己的意見，加強英文口語，這些是一直都知道的缺點。多運動。多花點時間關心家人朋友，因為時間過的飛快。不要失去自己的定位，不要在意別人的想法。還有不要整天盯著電腦，『There is something more in life than studying』，聽到了嗎？

Dec 20 Chicago Airport

PS1：古人都是我。

PS2：寫得我好像多認真一樣，念法律的就是愛誇張。

Snow!

Aaron and I were studying for our finals in the library. Aaron stressed out and went out smoking.

He came back and told me: "Hey! It's snowing."

He wasn't too excited because he's from NY. New Yorkers never get excited.

I said: "What? Seriously?" I was really excited because snow is rare in my country, Taiwan, a tropical island.

I heard about it. People talk about it. I know it's coming. I just didn't expect it to come so soon (I mean the snow, not the final).

So I ran down stairs, opened the door, and saw the snow blew over the city. This is my first urban snow. I've never seen snow in a city.

It was thrilling. Almost supernatural.

Library is like underwear, they feel all the same when you're in it. Studying in the library sometimes confuses me of my location. Am I studying in Taiwan? In California? Why am I always studying?

But the dark street and the omnipresent white powder that I ran into, suddenly transcend me to another world. The real world. The deep dark sky that seems to hide any emotion and the ice cold breeze that seems to wipe all feelings. I was stunned by the beauty of the nature, and ashamed of how senselessly I've been living. Dazingly I stood in the snow.

Until my head hurts. It was a little chilly so I walked back to the library.

Aaron looked at me with interest: "If snow excites you so much now; you will be overwhelmed when you see the white Christmas."

I said: "Once in a while is not bad, but not too often will be better" (I mean the snow, not the final).

* * * * * * * *

Just today I learned two good friends of mine have lost their close relatives. My best wish to them and to their family.

We are never strong enough to bear the lost of a family.

Although separated, we will continue the journey they left to us, and, I believe, they will continue theirs. And one day we will reunite.

茶壺裡的風暴

今天當我十一點施施然去上犯罪法時，赫然發現老師已經開始上課，而同學也都坐滿教室了？

原來史儒林教授上星期五宣佈，今天要提前一小時補課。是我忘了。

不只我遲到，連上星期五翹課的凱倫與蘿拉小姐都遲到。事實上全班大概有20個人遲到。

由於凱倫與蘿拉小姐上星期五的筆記都是跟我要的，因此都有點生氣我沒有通知她們今天要補課。

凱倫跟我很熟，也跟我一樣覺得上犯罪法是浪費時間。所以笑一笑就沒事了。

蘿拉比較認真，最近好像有一些煩心的事，所以就真的很生氣。她說: "我在這堂課裡沒有朋友！" 還對我說："我再也不相信你了！"

聽到這種話，有點傷心。

一方面的確是我忘記了。她們依賴我通知她們上星期五上課的情形，所以我沒有話講。

因為是我自願取得幫助的責任(Assumed duty to intermeddle)，因此有責任要完全告知課堂上的資訊。

另一方面，我是忘了說，不是故意不告訴蘿拉。是疏失(negligence)，而不是故意(purposely)。甚至可以說，我在乎的責任(duty to care)僅及於提供筆記，而不包括別的。不需要說不相信我吧？

上星期才一起跳舞，以後還要見三年的同學，如果就這樣翻臉，實在很可惜。

總而言之，在謝了正在給假期(Thanksgiving)之前，發生這種插曲，實在有點諷刺啊。

Anderson v. Sears, Roebuck & Co.

Having fought to perfect an assignment for 4 consecutive days with less than 20 hours of sleep, and after receiving an unsatisfied grades from my midterm exam, I was frustrated and tired.

I lost contacts with friends and families. I lost contacts with televisions and movies. I lost contacts with me in the mirror.

No time to complain, I went home and finished dinner in 20 minutes. I cleaned myself in 10 minutes, fired emails in 10 minutes. I tore down and reassembled my assignment in 1.5 hour, killed Civil Procedure in 1.5 hour and terminated Criminal law in 1 hour.

Finally, at 12PM, the last three torts cases lies on my desktop, awaiting my torture. My focus is gone, and my bed is seductively crying for my attendance.

I do not complain hard work nor busy schedule, but I do not accept time in waste. My busy schedule forces me to run, but does not force me to feel. I have learned to artfully pinpoint and copy the knowledge within the text, but had no time to learn by heart or to establish my own thoughts.

Yes I learned discipline and persistence. Yes I learned hard working and being efficient. But I couldn't feel the passion of knowledge nor the joy of intellectual challenges. I become a test machine without fires in the eyes.

With no choice, I reluctantly picked up the Torts text book again, and sailed to the end of the day... Another hour passed and the routine seems never ending...

Alas, the third Torts case saved my day.

There is no happy story in Torts, and this one is one of the saddest. A young girl was burned in a house fire because of the malfunction of a heater. Forty percents of the infant's body were burned and her fingers wobbled together as the result of the melt of skin. She will have no hair and cannot talk normally. Her stomach will forever show the hand print of her mother, who died in the fire trying to protect her. She will have to go through 27 surgeries for the next 2 years. And if she makes it to juvenile, surviving inflammation and risk of cancers, she will begin to face rejections, stares and disgusts from people who she cares or who she doesn't care. She may never marry, and may never raise a kid and have a family.

Always I ask myself to empathy the characters in the case. This tragedy touched me as well as the judge who wrote the opinion deeply. I cannot imagine how the judge feels when he was listening the case, as much as he cannot envisage what the young girl will face in the rest of her life.

At the end of the case the jury awarded the girl 2 million dollars to recover what can never be recovered. The case ended at the end of page 523. The girl went on to her battle and the judge called in the next sad story.

And a first year law student who was losing faith, learned how fortunate he is.

A typical day for 1L

• 7: 00 a.m. Wake up.

• 7: 26 a.m. Wake up again, take a shower.

• 8: 13 a.m. Read newspaper on the metro.

• 8: 50 a.m. Torts class. Professor makes silly jokes to keep class interested. Failed.

• 11: 00 a.m. Criminal law/Contracts. Someone was killed/someone breached a contract.

• 12: 00 a.m. Civil Procedure. Smart professor try hard not to outsmart everyone. Failed.

• 1: 10 p.m. Have lunch. Oh not Wendy's again.

• 3: 24 p.m. Wake up in the library.

• 5: 00 p.m. Legal Writing Class. Double space, left justified.

• 8: 00 pm. Go home.

• 8: 40 p.m. Have dinner. When did I refrigerate this?

• 10: 00 p.m. Check email. Still no email.

• 1: 11 a.m. Sick of Civil Procedure. Go to sleep.

Solitaire

Although studying by myself for 4-6 hours is lonely and, not surprisingly, boring; there is a captivation in it. Studying hard is like running a marathon, it is an invaluable luxury to focus on one single goal, to pursue that goal with one's whole body and mind, and to enjoy finishing the job all by oneself.

* * *

Maintaining a blog may be the last thing a 1L needs in his busy schedule. But, nonetheless, as the law school materials heavily emphasize logic and intelluctuality, I need a channel to release my sensations.